tombstone poetry Color Palette

06.06.22 last.fm archiving.so i am being flirted eith very blatantly and i had to tell the guy to stop because everytime he talks to me theres like this giant hole of dread in my chest and it hurts because i know hes attracted to me?? and i hate it the feeling it is like the worst. it makes me feel gross and guilty, especially since im also kinda attracted to him. that part somehow makes it even more bad. i am sick of this i think. 3ish years of celibacy has actually just been an excuse to create my own personal purity culture and tear myself up from guilt inside out. ugh god. im half convinced if i finally just fk someone to get it over with itll all be out of my system and maybe ill get normal.

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